Rejection and Emotional Abuse: Rejection Discovery Checklist

EVERYONE COMES FACE-TO-FACE WITH REJECTION

 It is a part of everyday life. We can't avoid rejection because we can't control the way people feel about us. Some will like us automatically; others may reject us without reason. The good news is, however, we can control our response.

What does rejection in everyday life look like? Well, people might be turned down for pay raises, refused job promotions, declined for loans, taken for granted by peers, treated poorly by family, and passed over for due recognition. All of these are real life situations in which people are rejected. It may not seem as dramatic as a divorce or an abuse, but it's rejection all the same.

So why do some face more difficulty handling every day rejections than others? Could it have more to do with the feelings that are set off inside their souls even at the slightest hint of rejection? Consider this: Is rejection an emotional response or an objective response to life? Does rejection push a button causing some sort of internal process that calculates a lessened self-worth? As we continue along in our study, let's explore the possibility the negative feelings rejection causes are rooted in the improper internalization of external events.

CAUSES OF REJECTION

Each of us has the basic need to feel accepted. Rejection is the feeling (internalization) that we are not being valued or accepted. When we do not feel accepted, then we must learn how to deal with the negative feelings of that rejection because we cannot depend on being accepted by others to give us our sense of self-worth. Jesus Christ makes us worthy, and we are "accepted in the beloved" (Ephesians 1:6).

Before we can properly respond to rejection events, we must pinpoint the source of the feelings. This is what I call rejection's trigger. Rejection's trigger must be dismantled. Interestingly, there are almost as many causes for rejection as there are people. Causes of rejection can stem from:

• A lack of love from a spouse, parent, or grandparent.
• An unwanted pregnancy.
• The trauma of divorce.
• The abandonment by a friend or loved one.
• A violation of trust.
• Abuse, whether physical, emotional, or sexual.
• Public humiliation.
• A failure.
• A bankruptcy.
• Poor performance academically or in sports.

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HEALING YOUR EMOTIONS AND DELIVERANCE FOR YOUR MIND

These resources will set you free to mature and grow stronger in the Lord.
Begin Your Healing Process Today!

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DISCOVERY CHECKLIST

Do you respond out of a rejection-based personality? The list of questions below is designed to help you uncover rejection-based responses and lifestyles. Take your time as you prayerfully read the list, and let the Holy Spirit speak to your heart. Now is the time to be honest with yourself. You are reading this because you are trying to understand rejection and find God's path to emotional healing. Answering these questions truthfully will help you learn more about yourself and help you more effectively minister to others. Print out the rejection checklist and as you read the questions put a check mark beside those things that trouble you.

• Do you have a fear of people's opinion of you?
• Are you a perfectionist?
• Are you frustrated with life?
• Are you abnormally anxious?
• Do you project a false sense of superiority?
• Are you suspicious of anything nice done for you?
• Do you have difficulty trusting God and others?
• Do you have difficulty understanding the love of God?
• Do you have difficulty showing love to others?
• Do you think that God cannot use you?
• Do you ask yourself, "How can God love me?"
• To "feel special" will you do extreme things like dangerous sports?
• Do you have severe bouts with depression and thoughts of suicide?
• Do you hide behind pets, books, hobbies, or work?
• Do you overemphasize material possessions? What about in dress or appearance?
• Do you have a dominating air or way about you?
• Do you have a critical spirit?
• Have you entered a self-imposed isolation from others?
• Do you feel empty and unfulfilled?
• Do you have a difficult time receiving love?
• Are there times when you don't want anyone to touch you?
• Do you value acceptance and hate correction?
• Do you have feelings of inferiority?
• Do you think that God does not love you as much as others?
• Do you dress to get attention?
• Do you have a fear of communicating your opinions?
• Do you detest being compared to others?
• Do you have uncontrolled bouts with pent up anger?
• Are there times when you feel undeserving?
• Do you feel that your lot in life is to suffer?
• Do you have a fear of failure?
• Are you a workaholic or overachiever?
• Do you take things too personally?
• Would you rather spend time with your pets or animals than people?
• Do you have a woe-is-me, gloomy view of life?
• Are you afraid to tell the truth about your feelings?
• Do you constantly fight discouragement?
• Are you harshly judgmental of others?
• Are you a faultfinder?
• Are you afraid of God?
• Are you always on the defensive?
• Do you have a problem relating to the opposite sex?
• Are you a procrastinator?
• Do you feel stupid, inferior, or self-conscious when around other people?
• Do you resent and hold bitterness toward others?
• Do you feel like you need to seek attention from others?
• Do you feel like you can never measure up to others?
• Are you driven to prove yourself to others?
• Are you troubled with constant mind traffic that gives you no rest?
• Do you have a problem saying, 'No' when you know that you need to?
• Do you feel threatened by others?
• Do you attack those you love and don't understand why?
• Do you think that no one understands you?
• Are you drawn towards base people who seem to be more accepting of you, yet do nothing to bring stability in your life?
• Are you sometimes introverted and at other times extroverted?
• Do you avoid being involved in group activities?
• Do you try to fit in with the crowd but never feel that you belong?

The checklist above is provided only to stir your thinking and allow the Holy Spirit reveal some of the root causes of why you feel the way you do. Once we recognize rejection, then we can begin the healing and rebuilding process. If you checked several of the items on the list, perhaps you are having difficulty with rejection. Don't worry - I have great news for you. Jesus is the answer to all your problems. He understands you better than you understand yourself. He has offered us a way of escape. His Word will teach you what to do. There is hope for you! There is life after rejection.